I Miss You
by Tarnished Beauty
Summary: Harry's... eventful... sixth year with the golden trio. Formerly Unexpected Thoughts.
1. The Beginning

**Unexpected Thoughts**

_Chapter 1_

Hermione stood waiting at Platform 9 ¾. It had been over a month since she last saw Harry and Ron, and she couldn't wait to see them again. Today was the beginning of their sixth year, and she couldn't wait to get back to school. Over the summer her O.W.L. scores came in- she had gotten over 15.

Hermione was rather worried about Harry. She had sent him multiple owls, but hadn't gotten anything more then "I'm fine, see you soon" as a response. He had never acted that way before, and she thought that maybe something might be wrong. She just hoped that the death of Sirius hadn't hit him too hard...

She lifted her head and scanned the growing crowd once again, but no sign of either Harry or Ron. She sighed. 'Well, I'd better go and get us a compartment before we end up sitting with Neville again,' she thought. She picked up her trunk, which had Crookshanks sitting on top of it, and lugged everything onto the train.

Almost immediately after she headed onto the train, Harry and the Weasleys arrived at Platform 9 ¾, sweating slightly and most definitely in a rush. Harry had gone to The Burrow the night before and everyone had woken up late that morning. He and Ron woke up to a rather unpleasant alarm clock: Mrs. Weasley, shrieking, "IT'S 7 A.M. ALREADY AND YOU'RE NOT OUT OF BED!?!?" Harry groaned slightly, remembering how unpleasant it really is to be woken up like that.

Ron stopped to take a breather. After rushing around the train station, he was incredibly out of breath and most definitely in need of a little rest. He took the opportunity to look for Hermione. "I can't seem to find Hermione, Harry- have you seen her yet?"

Harry shook his head, but, then, catching sight of her coming off the train, he waved his hands and yelled, "Hermione!" Hermione quickly looked over in their direction, and her face broke out into a huge grin once she realized who was calling her.

"Ron! HARRY!" She ran over to them, thoroughly excited. "I've missed you both so much over the summer! How are you?" she asked, pulling them both into a huge hug and then giving them each a kiss on the cheek (causing Ron's ears to turn slightly red).

"We're fine, Hermione," Harry said, "Now can you release us from your Hug of Doom?"

Hermione laughed. "Sorry, Harry," she said, releasing him from the hug. "It's just that I haven't heard from you all summer. It's been a bit lonely, you know, not hearing from your friends." She gave him a look.

Harry glanced at her, not noticing that she was glaring at him. "Look, I was a little bit preoccupied this summer, okay? Certain... things... happened. Besides," he added, "I _did_ reply to your owls! All of them!"

Sensing awkwardness, Ron spoke up. "Hermione, you've got a compartment, right? I want to get on the train. It leaves in less then five minutes, you know. And I'm rather hungry." With that, he turned and walked onto the train, leaving Harry and Hermione no choice but to follow.

«.:.:.:.»

Harry walked into the compartment with Hermione and Ron, and sat down near the window, not saying anything to anyone. He couldn't believe Hermione. He thought that she had understood when he didn't really respond to her letters. He was mourning for Sirius. He was, after all, the only relative he had left in the world, besides the Dursleys... and Harry wasn't sure that they even counted.

The whistle blew, and the train started to leave the station. Ron leaned out the window and waved to Mrs. Weasley, who was crying. He grinned at Hermione. "She still hasn't gotten over the fact that next year will be my last at Hogwarts. Kind of funny, really. I'm still her Ronniekins," he said, making a face at the nickname. "Honestly. She's been acting funny lately, hasn't she, Harry? You noticed, right? Harry?"

Harry started. He hadn't been listening to anything that Ron had been saying. In fact, he wasn't even aware that Ron was talking. It was obvious by the expression on Ron's face that he had just asked Harry a question. "Er... yes?" Harry replied.

Ron looked satisfied, and turned to talk to Hermione some more. Harry sighed. This was going to be a long train ride.

«.:.:.:.»

Yay! First fanfic evar!!!11134058 Lots of fun. Oh, so don't be too picky. There might be some slight OOCness- you'll have to excuse that. This is just how I portray the characters in my head. Sorry the chapter's so short- there should be another, longer one up by the end of the week. I'm supposed to be doing my homework right now... -shifty eyes- Anyways, review. Review. Aaaand review. I'll give you a cookie if you do!

-Sara


	2. To Hogwarts We Go!

**Unexpected Thoughts**

_Chapter 2_

Boy, this was awkward.

Ron had long since given up talking to Hermione, seeing as she was busy wondering why the heck Harry was acting so oddly, and was now waiting eagerly for the lunch cart to come by. Harry, of course, was busy thinking and staring out the window, and Hermione had stopped trying to him because he wouldn't even respond unless she snapped her fingers in his face.

Hermione looked at her watch and groaned. They had only been on the train for a half hour. She would have to do something or she might just explode from the tension.

'I know!' she thought. 'I'll try and see if I can raise one eyebrow but not the other!' (a/n: 1)

After about ten minutes she succeeded, and gave a little squeal of excitement, temporarily breaking both Harry and Ron from their trances. Ron was staring at her with curiosity, and Harry asked, "What's all the excitement about, Hermione?"

Hermione blushed, her cheeks crimson. "No, nothing, it's just... Look what I can do!" she cried, raising one eyebrow.

Ron's mouth opened. "WOW. That is incredibly cool!" Harry looked at her and grinned. "Man, Hermione," he said, "Have I really been _that_ inattentive?"

Hermione stared at him for a second. Man, he was perceptive. "Yes, in fact, you have," she said, trying to sound annoyed. "You've been staring out that window for the last 45 minutes thinking about who knows what? And you," she said, turning to Ron, "...well... you not talking is my fault. Never mind."

Just then, the lunch cart came by. Ron's face filled with joy and he jumped up, hugging the woman pushing the cart. "Ah, Ron, my best customer!" she said. Harry reached into his pocket. "I've got this one, guys. Order away." Hermione got two pumpkin pasties, and Harry got a bag of Bertie Bott's and a couple of Chocolate Frogs. Ron, however, rattled off a list five miles long; the woman pushing the cart was having a very difficult time keeping up. Eventually, Harry smacked Ron up the side of the head. "RON. Cut it out, or you're going to empty my bank account at Gringott's."

Ron grinned, but the tips of his ears turned red at the mention of Harry's money. Then the woman handed Ron the huge stack of food he had ordered, and then gave Harry and Hermione their foods. Harry paid up, and they turned to sit back down. Ron had already set up camp on one side of the compartment, his food scattered around him. Hermione and Harry both laughed and then sat down on the other side of the compartment. Hermione ate her pasties and then she and Harry started eating the Bertie Bott's.

Ron laughed when Harry made a face at the first one he ate. "Bad choice, mate," he said. Harry started coughing, his eyes watering.

"Pepper?"

"Yeah."

Hermione looked through the bag and then carefully selected a purplish-brown one. "I'm hoping that this one is going to be grape..." she said, and then popped it into her mouth. She chewed a few times, and then her face contorted into a very strange look.

"What is it, Hermione? What flavor?" Harry asked, trying not to laugh at Hermione's face but failing.

"It's... oh, ew, ew, ew," she said, spitting it out into a napkin and then taking a very large swig of pumpkin juice. "I think it was swamp or bog or something."

Harry burst into laughter, but Ron just raised his eyebrows. "Sounds like Bertie's been creating some new flavors," he said, unable to keep the joy from his face.

«.:.:.:.»

The tension broken, the three of them spent the remainder of the train ride chatting and having fun with the Bertie Bott's. They hardly realized that it was getting dark until Malfoy popped in, flashing his prefect badge, saying, "As I am a _prefect,_ just like you two" he said, emphasizing the word 'prefect' and looking at Harry (2) and Hermione with disdain, "I felt it was my need to remind everyone, even a weasel, a mudblood, and Potty here, that we are to be arriving in about ten minutes." His monologue ended, Malfoy walked away very Snape-like, with his cloaks swishing.

Ron groaned. "And here I thought I was going to enjoy Hogwarts this year," he said.

«.:.:.:.»

Author Notes

1: Admit it; you've all been at _least_ this bored. No? Well, I have. I spent about an hour in religion class trying to see if I could wiggle my ears. I couldn't.

2: Okay, I know, Ron's supposed to be a prefect. But he's not in this story. Dumbledore gave Harry Ron's prefect badge. And Ron didn't mind one bit. He didn't want to be like Percy anyways. _DON'T ASK QUESTIONS._

«.:.:.:.»

Alrighty. Fun! Second chapter! Whee! Anyways. Review. And... I feel that I should do shout-outs to my very cool reviewers. All 3 of them! I WANT MORE THIS CHAPTER. More, more, more.

**Year1989rocks**: Thanks so much for the review. .

**Tamar-shaki**: Is this soon enough for youm'dear?

**Seachel**: Oh, well, I've had comments on their OOCness before, and I felt that to avoid flamers I should probably say something. Just in case. And continue I will!

And... I feel that cookies are in order for you all! :3 Um... Keep reading, keep reviewing.

-Sara


	3. Back At Home

**Unexpected Thoughts**

_Chapter 3_

The train was slowing to a stop at the Hogsmeade station, and Harry was thrilled. Beyond thrilled. He had missed Hogwarts so much over the summer... the Dursleys had made it almost unbearable for him. The only thing that kept him going was Hogwarts, and his friends.

"Ahh, it's good to be back, isn't it, even with that Malfoy git," Ron said, leaning back and grinning.

Hermione and Harry nodded their agreement, and stood up to get out of the train.

They disembarked, and started over to the carriages that waited to take them to Hogwarts. As soon as he caught sight of them, Harry stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes. He had witnessed another death last year, and the thestrals served as a reminder for something harsh that he had been blocking out of his mind all summer.

Hermione and Ron came up behind him and each placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Harry jumped slightly at the contact; he hadn't even heard them come up to him. He opened his eyes, swallowed, and said, slightly croakily, "All right, then, let's get on, shall we?"

The carriage ride up to the castle was completely silent, much like the first half hour on the Hogwarts Express. Harry was busy staring at something outside, and Ron and Hermione sat there and tried to pretend that things weren't at all awkward.

They arrived at the castle and silently plodded up the steps, Harry in the lead. He was busy thinking about everything and trying very hard not to cry. He hadn't shed one tear all summer for Sirius, and he wasn't about to start now.

About five minutes after they had sat down at the Gryffindor table, the first years that were to be sorted were led in. However, instead of Professor McGonagall bringing out the sorting hat, as was done in previous years, Dumbledore stood up instead. "The Sorting Hat has been... misplaced... and I shall be doing the sorting this year. First years, please come up and sit down on the stool when your name is called."

Professor McGonagall seemed to be the only person not shocked by the news; all of the students as well as most of the teachers appeared not to have known and were busy discussing where the hat might be.

Dumbledore raised his hands. "Silence, please..." he said, and then motioned to Professor McGonagall.

She cleared her throat and began reading off of the list. "Alban, Stuart." As the very frightened young boy stepped up to the stool and sat down, Dumbledore drew out his wand, pointed it at the boys' head, and closed his eyes. After a moment of thought, he opened his eyes, removed the wand, and called out, "Gryffindor!" There was applause from the Gryffindor table, and the young boy walked over.

The sorting continued in this manner until the last person- "Zemrus, Stefani"- was sorted to Ravenclaw. Then Dumbledore resumed his place at the staff table and smiled at all the students. "What are you waiting for? Enjoy!" he said, and food appeared immediately on all of the tables.

There was a murmur of surprise from the first years, but everyone else just leaned over to grab a dish and dug in. Harry temporarily forgot his Sirius woes, and leaned over to discuss the absence of the sorting hat with Hermione and Ron.

Ron was already talking about it to Hermione, and Harry butted in. "So, what d'you reckon?"

Hermione paused and thought for a moment. "Well, the one thing that I do know is that Dumbledore couldn't simply have misplaced it." Harry nodded. "Yeah, you're right. When I was in his office in 2nd year I saw it sitting on a shelf. It's kinda hard to misplace it when it's sitting right there."

Ron nodded his agreement. "So that means one of two things: either it's been stolen or it's been taken somewhere to be used for other purposes. Of course, that makes sense, because the hat does have the ability to search your mind."

"Yes, and I would think it would probably good for use in interrogations and such," Hermione agreed. "I don't know why Dumbledore's never used it for that purpose before..."

Dinner was over, and Dumbledore stood up once again to make his usual announcements. "Welcome, students and teachers. A few announcements before you go to your dormitories: please, stay away from the Forbidden Forest. We urge you not to venture outside after dark at all. Any student who does so will be punished. Also, you are required to have a teacher escort as well as written permission from me, the Headmaster, before going off-grounds at any time," Dumbledore finished, looking at Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

Harry and Hermione stood up to lead the students to their dormitory. "See you later, eh, Ron?" Harry said. Ron nodded and headed out of the great hall.

«.:.:.:.»

After leading the first years to their dorms (Hermione and Harry were pleasantly surprised to learn that the password was "Grawp"), Harry and Hermione looked around for Ron, who appeared to have gone to bed already. They headed up to the prefect's lounge (1) to relax, and Harry immediately plopped down on one of the huge overstuffed arm chairs. Hermione sat down in the chair next to him, and for a long time neither said anything, but just stared into the fire.

Hermione glanced over at Harry and noticed a tear glimmering in his eye. "Harry...?"

He turned to look at her, the single tear sliding down his face, and he swallowed hard. Dammit, he promised himself that he wouldn't cry, and here he was, bawling away- and in front of Hermione, too! He frowned and mentally shook himself, but Hermione was already standing in front of him looking at him. "Harry, do you want to talk?"

Harry frowned and shook his head, and stood up to leave. "I'm going to-"He was cut off by Hermione, who had wrapped him in a silent but very strong hug. Harry gave in and sobbed, his head leaning against her shoulder. Neither said anything, but both understood that they didn't need to.

A few minutes later, Harry pulled away and looked at Hermione with a shaky, somewhat watery smile. "Thank you, Hermione," he said, still sniffling a bit. "I just... I don't... I haven't cried at all since Sirius died," he said, sounding ashamed.

Hermione looked at him and smiled. "Oh, Harry," she said, her own eyes filling with tears of sympathy for her friend, "It's really quite all right." Harry gave her one last hug and then said, "I think I'm going to go to bed."

"All right. Good night, Harry!" she said, and sat down on one of the couches in the lounge. She had a lot of thinking to do.

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Note (1): It's like the teacher's lounge for prefects. They still sleep in their dorms but I needed a place for them to have a private conversation.

«.:.:.:.»

Chapter 3 is up! Woo! Yay for not-quite-manly-ness on Harry's part. Because everyone has to cry once in a while... (: Anyways, review, review, review. I got a total of one reviews for the last chapter... -guilt guilt-

-Sara


	4. Confusion

**Unexpected Thoughts**

_Chapter 4_

Harry walked slowly up the stairs to his dormitory. What the hell was going on? He had the hugest jumble of feelings, all rolled up into a big messy ball, sitting in his stomach. He was having some of the strangest thoughts. For a second, he looked at Hermione and was convinced that she was the most beautiful girl ever to have lived. Butâ no, that was impossible. Hermione was his best friend.

There was also the fact that, for the first time since Sirius had died, Harry had _cried._ That was messed up on so many levels. How could he cry? He wasn't weak. He had imagined himself crying about it eventually, but he had hoped that it would never happen, and especially not in front of his friends.

Hermione had been so nice to him, too. He could talk to her about anything. That was the good thing about having a close female friend: they didn't laugh at what you said. Of course, there were some instances where she couldn't stop laughing at him hysterically, but that was mostly because of girl problems that were, in her words, "Stupid questions with blatantly obvious answers."

Harry flopped down on his bed, trying his best to be quiet, then ran his fingers through his hair, put his head in his hands, and sighed rather loudly. He wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight, so there was no use trying.

He most certainly couldn't talk to Hermione about his feelings, or Ron, either. He just couldn't. The next person that he would talk to would beâ Siriusâ and with that thought Harry had to choke down sobs to keep the others from waking up. After collecting himself, he sat down at his desk and decided to write to the only other person he could think of, Professor Lupin.

«.:.:.:.»

Hermione was still standing up, looking at the door, five minutes after Harry had left. What had just happened there? She felt so strange, like she was intruding. Exceptâ Harry hadn't really said anything. He didn't need to, either. Hermione knew why he was crying.

She felt her heart fill with pity for Harry. He had to go through so much, and Sirius was all that he had left. Well, not any more, of courseâ But he had her, didn't he? Her and Ron, and Lupin, and the Weasleys.

She sat down heavily on one of the overstuffed chairs near the fire. She was incredibly confused, and she didn't know what she was thinking. For a second, she almost could've sworn that she saw something other then friendship in Harry's eyes, but, of course, that was out of the questions. She was Hermione, one of the Golden Trio, Harry's _friend_, nothing more.

Hermione gritted her teeth rather angrily. Why did men have to be so illusive? They never spoke what they thought about anything. It was so frustrating!

Not knowing what else to do, Hermione went to go find a piece of parchment and a quill to write to her mother with. She and her mother had always been close, and when there was nobody else Hermione could talk to, she always wrote to her mother. Her mother always added a new perspective to everything.

«.:.:.:.»

Harry finished his incredibly long letter to Lupin, detailing the events of the night as well as the fact that the Sorting Hat was missing, and awoke Hedwig to send it. It may have been late, but this was important. Besides, Hedwig needed to stretch her wings.

Harry tied the letter to Hedwig's leg and watched her fly off into the distance before sinking into bed and trying to sleep.

«.:.:.:.»

Having finished her letter, Hermione tucked it into her bag to send with one of the school owls in the morning, and walked out of the common room to head up to her dormitory.

«.:.:.:.»

All right, here's Chapter 4. I think it's my shortest, and I apologize, but I needed it to move things along. I promise there will be a longer one sometime this coming week. By the way, I also apologize for taking an entire week to update. Writer's block. Review. I want 3 for this chapter before I post the next one. Yes, that's right. Cracking down. Thanks to tamar-shaki for being my wonderful and faithful reader! –hands a cookie-

--Sara


	5. Revelations

**Unexpected Thoughts**

_Chapter 5_

Hermione woke up, keeping her eyes closed, and rolled over in bed. It was time to get up, and she knew it, but she didn't want to. She buried her face in her pillow and tried to get back to sleep, but couldn't. Then, all of a sudden, she sat up, realizing that she was at Hogwarts.

She was at _Hogwarts!_ She squealed with joy and then bounded out of bed. She couldn't _wait_ to start classes. But before she went and met up with the boys, she had a letter to mail to her mother...

«.:.:.:.»

Harry rolled over and sighed. He had been having the most wonderful dream: he and Hermione were lying in his bed and cuddling with each other and then he leaned in and- WAIT. He and _Hermione_? All of a sudden, last night's events all went rushing back to him. He was a prefect. At Hogwarts. And he cried... in front of _Hermione._ He clawed a hand through his hair in frustration. All of his worries were forgotten all of a sudden, however, when he heard a _tap-tap-tap_ on the window and he looked over to see Hedwig, looking impatient, with a letter tied to her leg.

Harry's first thought was "SIRIUS!" Then he was slammed back into reality when he realized that it was only a response to the letter that he had written to Lupin and that Sirius was... well, never mind. He put on his glasses, strode over to the window and opened the letter:

_Harry-_

_It's pretty clear what's going on here- you and Hermione have got the hots for each other. Not to be brash or rude or anything, but I think you've had it coming. And that's a good thing. I'm just glad that you've both realized it. I'm going to have to collect on that bet from Fred and George now._

_Anyways, seeing as it is late, I must be getting to bed. Enjoy your year at Hogwarts!_

_-Moony_

Harry chuckled, laughed, and then finally guffawed. Lupin was so funny sometimes. Harry dismissed the letter and went to go get ready for his first school day.

«.:.:.:.»

Harry and Ron were sitting in the Great Hall looking over their schedules and stuffing their faces in when Hermione flopped down next to Harry. "Morning, Ron... Harry," she said, looking at Harry and smiling softly. Harry willed her silently to not say anything about last night, and she didn't.

"'Ey, 'Ermione, where were 'oo b'fore?" Ron said, with a mouth full of food. Hermione just stared at him, clearly not understanding a word he was saying.

Harry grinned. Some things never changed. "Hey, Hermione, where were you before?" he translated, rolling his eyes at her and smiling.

"Oh, I was just... sending a letter to my mum," Hermione said. "So," she said, desperate to change the subject. "We got our timetables then? I'll bet we have Double Potions with the Slytherins _again_ this year."

Ron nodded and swallowed his large wad of food before speaking. "Yeah. I think that whoever does the schedule must have an _amazing_ sense of humor," he deadpanned. "Fortunately, that's not until Wednesday. Today's Transfiguration and Care of Magical Creatures. Say, I wonder who the new DaDA teacher is."

Harry and, interestingly enough, Hermione, both shrugged. Ron stared, incredulous, at Hermione. "...Hermione? Any ideas?"

Hermione, who was very clearly thinking of other things, shook her head as if to clear it. "Hm, what? Oh, no, our first class is Transfiguration," she said, and went back to stirring her oatmeal mindlessly.

Ron gawked. "HERMIONE. I asked you who you thought our new DaDA teacher was going to be."

Hermione looked up, flustered, blushed, giggled in a very un-Hermione fashion, and then stood up. "Um... I've got to go and... do something. In the... uh.... the library. See you later!" She picked up her books and dashed off as fast as possible without looking stupid.

«.:.:.:.»

Hermione sat in the library with her head on the desk. When she had come in, Madame Pince (with whom she had become pretty good friends... or acquaintances, at the least) had asked her if she was all right. Hermione had just nodded and, well... now she was here.

What was WRONG with her? She was so confused about everything. 'Come on, Hermione,' she told herself, 'think. THINK!'

She hated this. She was so used to knowing things that nobody else did... knowing that she knew more then anyone else... but now, she had no idea what to do, and she had nobody to ask. I mean, she couldn't ask _Ron._ He was, after all, mentally incompetent when it came to this type of relationship. Obviously, not Harry. Because, well... Harry was what she was having problems with. And to ask any of the other girls in her class would be like posting a big sign up in the common room that says "HERMIONE LOVES HARRY!"

So, of course, she was stuck. Well, she had written a letter to her mum, but that was about it. And she couldn't expect a reply for a while, if ever, seeing as her mother was very wary of owls.

Just then, Madame Pince walked over to her holding an owl in both hands, with her tight bun slightly disheveled and little peck marks on her arms. "Miss Granger, this... bird... has a letter for you. I tried to send it up to the Owlrey to deliver the letter tomorrow morning but, as you can see, it was very persistent." She set the owl on the table and left, very irritated and attempting to smooth out her hair.

Hermione smiled and laughed inwardly, then pulled the owl towards her and took off the letter. It was addressed to her in her mother's loopy writing, much like her own. Hermione took the letter and started to read.

«.:.:.:.»

Harry stared after Hermione hurrying out of the Great Hall. He leaned over to Ron and muttered, "That wasn't even in the slightest bit odd."

Ron grinned. "Mate, I've learned not to ask when it comes to Hermione. Girl problems, you know," he said, rolling his eyes. "It really makes you wonder what's so important that she won't even take a guess at who the DaDA teacher is."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "I wouldn't know a thing about girl problems, Ron. The closest thing to a girl I ever came in contact with before Hogwarts was Dudley, which, I admit, is a pretty close match, but it's not just the same. Besides," Harry said, "You're the one who's got a younger sister. You should _know_ how to deal with girl problems."

Ron looked shocked. "Harry, come on. When have you _ever_ known me to pick up a talent like that just because I'm in contact with it?"

"True, mate, very true," Harry said, earning a punch in the arm from Ron. "What? I was just _agreeing_ with you!"

Ron regained some seriousness (well, as much as Ron can manage) and looked at Harry with a somewhat evil grin on his face. "So, Harry," he said. Harry groaned inwardly, knowing that this was going to be one of those horrifyingly embarrassing Ron questions. "How's your love life?"

Harry's eyes widened. Oh, God, no. He wasn't expecting _that._ Anything but _that._ Harry breathed, looked at Ron squarely in the eye, and said, "Ron, mate, you've got to be kidding me. Did you really think I got a girlfriend over the summer with the Dursleys watching me like fat hawks? Nope. How about you, though, mate?" he added, just because he was curious.

Ron's face colored immediately and furiously. "Er... nope, nothing for me," he said in a squeaky voice.

Harry chuckled at Ron's face and then said, "You mean to tell me that you're looking like a tomato with hair because there's 'nothing for you'?" Harry asked. "Come on, you brought it up, now you have to tell me."

Ron looked at the ground and whispered something.

"What, Ron? SPEAK UP, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Harry yelled, fully intending to embarrass Ron.

"I _said_, Luna Lovegood," Ron said, turning an even deeper shade of red (if that was possible).

Harry looked at him, only slightly surprised. "Luna Lovegood, eh?"

Ron glared at him. "Yes. Don't make fun of me," he whined. "You should _see_ her this year. I don't know how she does it but she's surely the prettiest nerd I've ever seen."

"Ron, I didn't SAY anything mean!"

"Yes, but it wasn't what you said, it was the way you said it... OH MY GOD, I'm turning into a girl." Ron gasped, wheezed, and paled, looking all the while like he was going to faint.

"Mate, it's all right, breathe, breathe... Besides, she likes you too, Hermione told me. She didn't want to tell you because she thought you would flip," Harry said, proud of being Hermione's confidant in all of this.

Ron, anxious to get off of the subject, sighed and stood up. "We should get to class. You know how McGonagall is about tardiness."

Harry stood up, his mind back on Hermione. She really was acting oddly today.

«.:.:.:.»

_Dear Hermione,_

_I don't pretend to be any sort of expert on these kinds of things, but it sounds like you're falling madly in love with this Harry. Of course, he's all you ever talk about at home, so I can't really say that I'm surprised. He sounds lovely, though, and you are 17 now, so all I can say is don't do anything stupid._

_Have fun at Hogwarts this year, and don't forget to let us know if you're going to stay there or come back home for Christmas vacation!_

_Love,_

_Mum_

_P.S. I know this is a bit much to ask but I absolutely HATE owls. Could you maybe find another way to send letters? It would be much appreciated._

Hermione folded the letter, gaping. It was amazing how perceptive her mother was. She hadn't even _said_ anything about liking Harry. As she reread the letter, she grinned. Her mother wouldn't be her mother if she didn't warn her at every possible to chance to not "do anything stupid."

She shook her head to clear it, and then folded up the paper and put it in her backpack. What she was hoping would happen between her and Harry could never be. He thought of her as a friend, and that was it.

She looked at her watch, picked up her books, and headed off to class.

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Note: Three things. First: this is my longest chapter so far. Four and a half pages! :3 I'm so thrilled with myself. Second: Sorry this took so long. I had a ton of projects due in school and such. Thirdly: Hee hee, did anyone catch the _Friends_ reference?

Oh! Also, review, review, review. God knows I need it. Compliments, comments, suggestions and, well, yes, constructive criticism, I guess, are most welcome. Anyone who reviews gets a toy surprise!


	6. Beautiful

**Unexpected Thoughts**

_Chapter 6_

The week had gone by rather quickly, and there weren't any mentions of the first night back. There were few awkward moments between Harry and Hermione... but there was a noticeable one involving Ron. Yes, Ron had finally gotten up the nerve to ask Luna Lovegood on Wednesday after the weekend had been announced as a Hogsmeade weekend. Her response was a vague, dreamy, "Certainly I will go with you, Ronald," leaving Ron very, very red.

Consequently, Harry and Hermione were going to be going to Hogsmeade together that weekend for a while. They told Ron they'd meet up with him around noon, but they had until then by themselves.

«.:.:.:.»

'Calm down, man, it's not a date, it's not a date, it's just _Hermione_, for Merlin's sake,' Harry thought to himself, standing outside, waiting in the common room while Hermione got ready. He sat down on the couch and waited. Who knew that Hermione was one of those girls who took forever to get ready?

When Hermione finally walked downstairs, Harry's breath caught in his throat. 'Wow.'

To say that Hermione is beautiful can be a true or a false statement, depending on who you're talking to. If you were to ask, say, Lavender, or Pavarti, they would say it wasn't true. There are those who can't get past the few shortcomings that Hermione possessed physically. She was only 5'2", with wide hips, a small chest, a long torso, and short legs to compensate.

But ask anyone who know her personally, and they will tell you yes without any hesitation. They can get past the wide hips and the frizzy hair, and look not only at the beautiful face, with the greenish-blue eyes, freckles, and soft lips, but inside, to see the love that she holds for the ones that she holds close, the caring for the environment, the understanding, the knowledge, and the loyalty. This is what Harry saw when Hermione rushed down the stairs looking frustrated.

"Oh, these blasted jeans, they're always too long, and I have to roll them up, and that makes me look stupid, because who rolls up their jeans, and I just can't figure out the-"She was cut off by Harry who, grinning, waved his wand and said, "_Curto._" Her jeans immediately shortened to the right length and left Hermione staring at him, mouth agape.

"How did you..." she asked, drifting off.

Harry blushed at this. "Well, I had to shorten Dudley's jeans _somehow_, right?"

"Oh, right," Hermione said, nodding. "Okay. Ready to go, then, Harry?"

"Yeah, hold on, I have to go upstairs and get my money," Harry said, running upstairs, grabbing his bag, and then taking a deep breath and walking back downstairs. 'Not a date, Potter,' he thought to himself.

He came downstairs, and together they walked down to Hogsmeade.

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Note: Some of you may have complaints about how I describe Hermione. Well... before you start flaming me about it, let me tell you why I did it. People describe her as "gorgeous" or "beautiful" or "stunning" or "every guy wants her" or whatever, but I don't think that's what Hermione is about. She doesn't look perfect. She's not out to win beauty contests or anything. The whole idea here is that she's not an absolute gorgeous beauty... she's just Hermione. Most people don't realize how pretty she really is, on the inside. They get caught up with her physical shortcomings and chalk her up as ugly.

Also, I based Hermione on myself... I don't have frizzy hair, though. :) And I'm sorry that this is so short! I didn't have time to write the Hogsmeade bit, and I promised myself that I would update on Friday.

Umm... anything else...? Let's see. I bought The Postal Service's CD, Give Up, the other day, and it's EXCELLENT.

One last thing... I'm _so_ sorry that I used the "Ron-is-dating-Luna-and-now-Harry-and-Hermione-are-together-without-him-at-Hogsmeade" cliché. I didn't know what else to do.

REVIEW.

Oh, all reviewers (4 THIS TIME!) get toy surprises. –flings them-

**Fluffy White Cat:** Normally, you're right, Hermione wouldn't have a problem with sitting next to Neville... but that's book Hermione. My Hermione is slightly OOC. There was a warning about that in the description.


	7. Changes

**Unexpected Thoughts**

_Chapter 7_

The two of them walked down the path towards the gates in silence. Both were thinking about something; neither of them knew that it was the same thing. Well, basically the same thing. They were both wondering if the other liked them.

'Think fast,' Harry thought to himself. 'This is going to get awkward if somebody doesn't say something soon.' "So... er... read any good books lately?" 'Oh, crap! No! ANYTHING BUT THE BOOKS!'

A smile immediately spread across Hermione's face, and she went off about books for a good ten minutes, Harry all the while nodding along and going "Mhmm, mhmm," and mentally smacking himself for mentioning books.

The books topic carried them all the way to Hogsmeade, and Hermione paused in her monologue about books for a second to take a breath, and then looked around and said, "Oh, we're here. I had completely lost track of time!"

Harry snapped out of his reverie and nodded joyously. "Yes! We're here! At Hogsmeade!"

"So... d'you want to go to Honeydukes first, then, Harry?" Hermione questioned, seeing Harry staring at the sign and the candy in the window.

"What? Oh, well, if you want to," Harry said, already on autopilot towards the store.

Hermione rolled her eyes. 'He's so cute when he wants chocolate... Well, of course he's cute; he's Harry, but...' She was snapped back to reality with Harry, waving his arms in her face.

"Hermione, should I get the bigger package of Chocolate Frogs or the smaller one?"

"Well," she said with a grin, "knowing Ron, he's going to eat at least half, so I suggest that you get the big one."

"Oh, right..." Harry said, and bought his package. Then they walked out of Honeydukes towards The Three Broomsticks.

«.:.:.:.»

They walked into the Three Broomsticks and looked for Ron and Luna, but they were nowhere to be seen. Harry told Hermione, "I'm gonna go get us butterbeers. You can go find a table."

Harry purchased the butterbeers from Madame Rosmerta and went to sit down with Hermione, only to see Professor Dumbledore already sitting at the table facing Hermione, a grave expression on his face. Hermione had her back to Harry, and he couldn't see the look of shock on her face or the silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

It wasn't until she stood up to leave with Dumbledore that he saw her face, and he moved to hug her. She shook her head and said in a thick voice, "I have to go." She and Dumbledore walked out of The Three Broomsticks, leaving Harry holding two butterbeers, his jaw open.

«.:.:.:.»

Hermione had barely reached her dorm when she crumpled onto the floor and totally broke down. She didn't have to worry about anyone hearing her, because everyone was at Hogsmeade. She stayed there, on the floor, for over an hour before collecting herself. Hiccuping, her breath hitching every now and then, she stood up. She had to start packing.

'What should I pack? Who knows how long I'll be gone... And, oh, God, Harry must be thinking about some of the worst things... I wonder how Ron's date went... I think I'll leave Harry my cell number in case he ever gets to a Muggle phone...' Her thoughts ran on like that while she packed all her things, and when a house-elf came to collect all her things and to remind her that she had an hour before the train left to go back to King's Cross, she was still in denial. How could this happen? This wasn't happening.

"Oh, God," she murmured, and then a fresh wave of pain and tears ran over her. She had to get home. Now. She hastily scrawled a note to Harry:

_Harry-_

_Something's happened, I have to go home, here's my cell number if you can manage to find a Muggle phone._

Hermione took the note and rushed up to the boy's dorm, leaving the note on Harry's bed. She was just about to leave when she heard Ron say "Hermione?"

She turned around. "Oh, Ron!" She burst into tears. "I have to go, I'm so sorry, please, owl me and tell me how your date with Luna went." She rushed out of the room, out of the dormitory, and to the carriage waiting to take her to Hogsmeade.

«.:.:.:.»

Harry recaptured the ability to think, talk, and move, and immediately sat down at the table so that he wouldn't pass out right then and there. What was that all about? He had no idea... but he was going to find out. He thought that to himself for a good hour before actually standing up and walking back to Hogwarts. He got up to his dorm and found Hermione's note. "DAMN IT!" Things were running through his head. What had happened to her? Had someone died? Was she expelled for something? Oh, who knew?

"Er... Harry?" It was Ron, and he was sitting on his bed looking very strange. "I saw her leave that note... she wouldn't, or maybe couldn't, say anything about whatever has happened, but she's gone for a while, I assume."

Harry sat down on his bed and frowned. He was going to get himself to a Muggle phone if it was the last thing he did.

«.:.:.:.»

Author's note: Hmm. HAHAHA A CLIFFIE. :D. Anyways, sorry for not updating last week. I've been studying for the accursed exams. Blah, I hate exams. :) (I also learned the hard way not to read fanfics that involve Draco and Harry doing... ahem... unmentionable things because then you start writing in an evil Ron who is anti-gay and a Hermione who is sleeping with Snape. Then you end up with major writer's block.) Anyways, we all love reviews. Toy surprises to all of you who review! (Some of you are going to have a dandy collection of them by the end of this story.)

**LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds7:** OOC means Out Of Character. OC means Other Character. AU means Alternate Universe. Those are the only ones that I know. And yes, hooray for bribery and corruption! HOORAY FOR ALL THINGS EVEN SLIGHTLY EVIL! Ahem. By the way, I love your SN. Did you know that William Shatner re-did Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds? It's positively horrible.

**KelseyRadcliffe:** Hehe, thanks. I hope this chapter was enough to your liking (it really wasn't a date :D) and thanks for letting me know about the Anonymous reviews thing. I had no idea that I had even blocked them.

**Tamar-Shaki:** Man, you are one faithful reviewer. Every single chapter. I think you get a cookie with your toy surprise. And just to let you know, I did know that she had brown eyes but I did base her on me, and I have blue-green eyes... so yeah.

«.:.:.:.»


	8. Happiness

**Unexpected Thoughts**

_Chapter 8_

**_Warning: This chapter contains some pretty heavy stuff. As a result, the rating has been changed to "R." Just thought you all should know._**

Harry waited for hours for a message from Hermione. Hours turned into days and days into weeks, and Harry couldn't begin to think where he could contact her, except to find a Muggle phone... and who knew where he could find one of those? He hadn't heard anything from her since that last day at The Three Broomsticks, and Dumbledore was of no help at all. He simply told Harry that there must have been a reason that Hermione didn't tell him what had happened and that he "certainly wasn't going to meddle by talking about it."

«.:.:.:.»

Harry and Ron were eating dinner one night in the Great Hall when Ron mentioned, "Y'know, Harry, there's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up. You should go."

Harry snorted. "Sure, I'll go with my multitude of friends. Oh, wait... okay, I'll just go with you and Luna. That won't even be remotely awkward."

Ron shrugged. "You don't have to come with us. I just think you could use a butterbeer or something is all."

Harry sighed. Ron may seem indifferent now, but if he didn't agree, hoo boy... Well, let's just say there was no way he was going to get out of it. "All right, mate, I'll go seeing as your happiness is based on it. "

Ron grinned. "Haha, yessss! Finally Harry comes out of his cave."

«.:.:.:.»

"Luna, I win."

"What, Ronald?"

"I win the bet. Harry said he'd go this weekend."

"Oh, blast. Fine, take your Galleon already."

«.:.:.:.»

Harry sat at the bar in The Three Broomsticks, a butterbeer on the counter and his forehead in his hand. "How did I let Ron convince me to do this?" he muttered to himself.

"What's that, dear?" Madame Rosmerta cheerfully asked. "Oh, if you'll excuse me, that's the phone."

Harry sat straight up immediately. Did she just say phone? Yes! He could hear it ringing! He waited for her to finish and then asked, "Er... Madame Rosmerta? Is that a telephone, by any chance?"

"Yes, it is... I've got Muggle parents and this is how I keep in touch with them. Why do you ask?"

"Well," Harry said, blushing slightly, "I've got this friend who I've wanted to talk to for a while, and I was looking for a phone to see if I could-"

"Oh, certainly you can use it, Harry! Here, you can just take it into the back room."

Harry babbled his thanks and then carried the phone into the back room before pulling out the note from Hermione. Now rather nervous, he dialed her cell phone number. It rang once... twice... five times, and then the message machine picked up, leaving Harry smiling at the sound of Hermione's voice and grinning brilliantly when the machine told him her home phone number. He quickly memorized it and then left a message before hanging up and dialing Hermione at home.

«.:.:.:.»

Hermione Granger slid into her bathtub, leaned back, and closed her eyes. This past month had been one that she was hoping she would eventually forget. It had been hell, and this was one of the only times that she had been able to relax. Her parents were gone out to dinner (Lord knows they deserved it) and she was home by herself. She was close to falling asleep when, all of a sudden, the phone rang. "Oh, blast," she muttered to herself. "I'll let the machine get it."

The phone rang and rang until the answering machine picked up. Hermione wasn't really listening until she heard a voice that she hadn't heard for a month.

"Hey, Hermione, it's Harry... I was just calling to er, well... to see how you were doing, seeing as you left so quickly and all..."

Hermione shrieked and lunged out of the bathtub, wrapped herself in a towel, all the while yelling, "Wait, Harry, DON'T HANG UP!" and made it to the telephone in record speed, just as Harry was finishing up.

"So... well, don't call me back or anything seeing as this isn't my phone or anything, but... just... um, I guess I'll try later. See you."

She grabbed the phone. "Harry? HARRY?" There was silence at the other end. "Oh, shit," she muttered to herself and was about to hang up when she heard something at the other end of the line.

"Hermione? Hermione, are you there?"

"**HARRY**!!!"

"**HERMIONE**!!!"

"Oh, Harry, I'm so glad to hear from you, and I'm sorry that I left, and that I didn't say anything, but it was hard, you know? And I'm probably going to get back to Hogwarts within the week and I've missed you so much, and I have so much to tell you, but can you wait just a second, cause I literally just leapt out of the tub, and all I've got on is a towel, so let me go get dressed."

Harry pushed away the mental image and tried to comprehend everything that she had been saying. After he figured it all out, Hermione came back on the line.

"All right, Harry, I'm back. Sorry about that."

"It's all right... hey, Hermione... what _did_ happen?"

Hermione swallowed, and took a deep breath. She was going to have to say it sometime... Now was a good enough time, wasn't it?

"Well... I... my best Muggle friend from grade school- she lived a few houses down from me- she... she committed suicide. I came back to comfort her family and mine... and her boyfriend, who I was also very close to... well, they were incredibly close, I mean, everyone thought that they were going to marry, and the day after the funeral... he killed himself too." She couldn't hold it in any more and broke down crying. "When I found out," she sniffed, "I honestly didn't know what to do. Nobody had any idea, and I couldn't help thinking, what if I never went to Hogwarts? Maybe things would be different, you know? Maybe she wouldn't have... I mean, what would you do if Ron and I both... you know...?"

Harry, close to tears at this point, inhaled sharply, and said, "Hermione, don't even _think_ about blaming yourself for this. It isn't your fault. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Do you understand me?" He paused for a moment. "And to answer your question... no, I don't really know what I would do. I just..."

Hermione sniffled. "It's all right, Harry, I understand. You know," she continued softly, "I've missed you immensely. My first thought after I found out was 'What'll Harry think?'" She smiled.

Their conversations continued on for hours, and, before Harry realized it, it was time for him to head back to Hogwarts. "Damn it, I have to go, Hermione. When will you be back here? I miss you," he added, without even realizing it.

Smiling, Hermione replied, "I should be back in about a week. I'm sure Dumbledore will let you know."

Harry snorted. "Yeah, sure. I spent about an hour trying to convince him to tell me why you had left... he didn't. I don't think I can get this out of him either. Anyways, I've got to get back. I lo- I'll see you in a week." Man, he had almost said 'I love you.' Where had _that_ come from?

"All right, Harry, I'll see you then. Bye!"

"Bye." Harry hung up the phone, smiling immensely. He walked outside to the emptying Three Broomsticks, and thanked Madame Rosmerta immensely before handing her a couple of Galleons. "I'm sure I've racked your phone bill up beyond belief," he said, smiling, and left.

«.:.:.:.»

Harry was having the most pleasant dream... he and Hermione had graduated from Hogwarts and had two of the most beautiful children he had ever seen... and then things switched. He was back at the Department of Mysteries but this time he wasn't Harry... he was Bellatrix Lestrange, and he was battling Sirius Black. He sent a killing spell his way, and it missed. Sirius laughed. "Is that the best you can do?" And then Harry grinned evilly and hit Sirius square in the chest. His dream shifted. Voldemort was talking to him. "You killed Sirius. It's all your fault that Sirius is dead, you insensitive idiot of a boy." Things shifted. He was Voldemort, and he had just hit Ron with Avada Kedavra. Then he turned... sneered... he hit Hermione.

Harry sat straight up in bed. "SHIT." That was one of the worst dreams that he had ever had, undoubtedly. He had had nightmares before... but he had never killed.

He crawled out of bed after grabbing his glasses and something from under the mattress and then stumbled to the prefect's lounge where he had first talked to Hermione about Sirius. Flopping down on the couch, he pulled out the thing that he had grabbed out from under his mattress... a razor. It gleamed in the moonlight, and he swallowed. It had been a very long time since he had done this... in fact, he had sworn to himself that he wasn't going to do it ever again... his mind was battling whether or not to do it. The emotional pain that his life was causing him... endangering all of his friends and what was his family... it was too much to handle.

He took the blade and ran it across the skin of his inner forearm. He felt the blood seep out, taking with it his emotional pain and all of his worries. Another cut, and another... cleaning the blood off of the couch and the floor, he walked into the boy's bathroom and wiped his cuts before collapsing onto his bed with exhaustion and guilt.

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Note: I LOVE ANGSTY!HARRY (: Anyways. This is some serious stuff, now, isn't it? I have to say I was planning on Hermione's mum having breast cancer but everyone guessed it so I changed it. That's the great thing about writing these things the day before you do them. And... er... I didn't have time to reread this but here it is. Don't hate me for what I've done to Harry. Also, I promise there's a PLOT coming soon! Whee!

Review! –toy surprises-

Oh, **LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds7:** Just to let you know, you're not alone in your mad fan-worshipping of The OC. Best. Show. Ever.


	9. Why? Part 1

_I Miss You_

**Chapter 9**

**_Ahem. In case you haven't noticed, I changed the name of the story. I don't know what else I could name it –major brain fart- so if you have any suggestions, knock yourself out. (: I had to change it, though, seeing as I named the first one when I had only written the 1st chapter._**

Harry was a robot. Every day was the same. He awoke. He ate breakfast and made small talk with Ron. He went to classes. He ate dinner. Every night, he lay in bed for hours, hopelessly tired but unable to sleep. His life was empty without Hermione, and without Ron. Ron wasn't around much, except during classes, seeing as he was with Luna now. This left Harry to himself, when he allowed himself to expose the pain and loneliness he was feeling, and rid himself of it with the one thing that kept his sanity: his razor. Days went on without any change, each dawning with Harry's hopes of Hermione coming back dimmer. Neither of them were quite aware of it, but Hermione Granger had become Harry's reason for living.

«.:.:.:.»

Hermione Granger was rebelling. Nobody expected it and, at first, nobody would believe it. Her parents, after seeing what had happened to Elizabeth (1) and Elizabeth's boyfriend, were being immensely overprotective, and after a while Hermione just stopped going home except to sleep. She would escape to clubs most nights, hooking up with some guy or another but- in true Hermione style- never doing anything that seriously clashed with her principles. She started wearing (minimal though it may be) makeup and something other then the same old sweater and jeans and even, to the encouragement of her "new friends," put on a miniskirt one night.

But whatever guy she hooked up with, she couldn't pay attention to him or listen to what he was saying, and wherever she went, she couldn't help wishing she were back at Hogwarts. It constantly occupied her mind, but yet, in a way, she wasn't ready to go back. She was afraid of what she might see. When she talked to Harry on the phone almost 2 weeks ago, sure, he had seemed happy, but she couldn't help noticing that distinct undertone of unhappiness, no matter how he tried to hide it... or perhaps he didn't notice it at all.

«.:.:.:.»

It was midday Saturday, and raining outside. With nothing else to do, Harry was lying on the couch in the Prefect's lounge just thinking about life. He really wasn't happy with his. There was a sort of... aching emptiness there, and he had no idea what was missing. Other then the fact that he had one of the world's strongest wizards coming after him, well, why was he so unhappy all of a sudden? "Life sucks," he muttered to himself, and then turned over to take a nap.

Five minutes later, Professor Dumbledore came into the Prefect's lounge, startling Harry out of a somewhat peaceful doze. "Oh, 'ello, Professor," he said somewhat blearily. "What's up?"

Dumbledore had a strange look on his face. "I have some bad news for you, Harry."

The first thing that came into Harry's mind was 'HERMIONE.' "Er... what is it, Professor?" he said cautiously, praying that it didn't have anything to do with anyone he knew or cared about.

"Well, Harry, do you recall how the Sorting Hat had gone missing at the beginning of the year?" Harry nodded. "Well, we've just now located it." Harry nodded along, wondering where this was going.

Dumbledore sighed. "Harry, it was found in Lucius Malfoy's mansion." The phrase didn't mean much to Harry and he just frowned and shrugged. "Malfoy Mansion... I think we both know that Lucius is a Death Eater, although there's no proof. Now, the Sorting Hat can be used to look deep into the confines of one's mind and, in the case of any and all Hogwarts students, past and present, it has. The Sorting Hat has an amazing capability to remember... I believe that Voldemort has bewitched the hat to tell him everything that it knows about you. He now knows your strengths, your weaknesses, everything. I have no doubt that Voldemort will be coming to Hogwarts soon to find you."

Harry sat back heavily against the couch, trying to take in everything that he had just heard. Dumbledore stood up and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "That's a lot to think about. I'll leave you to it." He turned and left the room.

«.:.:.:.»

Hermione leaned her forehead against the cool glass of a window in her compartment on the Hogwarts Express. She was finally going back home. To Hogwarts. Where her parents were was no longer anything more then a house. Things had changed there ever since Elizabeth. Things were just so... different. But now she was going back to where Harry was... and where Ron was... and where Harry was! She smiled and closed her eyes.

«.:.:.:.»

Harry didn't go down to dinner. He stayed in the Prefect Lounge in the dormitory and thought about everything Professor Dumbledore had just told him. Well, basically, he was screwed. And he didn't think he could take it anymore.

_My world's on fire_

_It's more then I can handle_

He didn't know if he even wanted to... well, to go on anymore. In fact, he knew it. He just wanted to end things. And he would.

_Still the cold_

_Is closing in on us_

Harry picked up a razor, placed it on his wrist, and pulled it across.

«.:.:.:.»

Hermione opened the door to the Prefect Lounge. Ron had told her that Harry was up here. She stepped in and was greeted with the most horrific sight she had ever seen.

_I watch the heavens and I find a calling_

_Something I can do to change this moment_

"HARRY?"

«.:.:.:.»

**Author's Notes:** 1. I decided that her friend needed a name. I couldn't keep calling her "Hermione's best friend who snuffed it." (That sounded slightly heartless... ahem.) Anyways, "Hermione's best friend who snuffed it" got redundant after a while.

AHAHAHAHA I am too cruel. Aren't I? Well, I put this out on Wednesday instead of Friday because I won't be home on Friday. Songfic-y bit is credited to Sarah McLachlan. The song is "World on Fire." All her songs are so beautiful! Anyways, review. The more reviews I get, the more likely that I'll put this up earlier. (I have the next chapter written already –shock and awe-) Um. Kay. Peace out.

Oh, also. You may have noticed that I never write Ron into these damn things. This is because I don't like Ron. What I like even **less** then Ron is Ron-Hermione parings. But that's another story for another day. Let me know if the nonexistence of Ron is bothering you.

-Sara


	10. Why? Part 2

_I Miss You_

**Chapter 9**

**_I dedicate this chapter to the very groovy Tamar-shaki because 1. it's the 10th chapter and 2. she's been with me since the very beginning. I give her... LEFTOVER HALLOWEEN CANDY. Lots of it. Because I have a lot._**

_Recap: _

_Hermione opened the door to the Prefect Lounge. Ron had told her that Harry was up here. She stepped in and was greeted with the most horrific sight she had ever seen._

I watch the heavens and I find a calling  
Something I can do to change this moment

"_HARRY?"_

«.:.:.:.»

Harry whipped around, hoping to God that the voice he had just heard was an illusion. It wasn't. "Hermione..." he croaked, and then lost consciousness.

Hermione rushed forward trying to keep herself controlled somewhat. This couldn't be what she thought it was, could it? No. But... oh, God, he was bleeding from his right wrist. "Shit, shit, shit," she said, and sprinted out of the room to her trunk, where she had a vial of _Sceleratus restituo_- blood restoring potion- left over from potions class before she left. She ran back into the room, pointed her wand at Harry, and muttered "_Evigilo._" Harry stirred and awoke.

"You'll only be awake for a minute, Harry, so swallow all of this," she said quickly, putting the vial up to his lips. After he had drunken it she gently took his right arm, pointed her wand at his wrist, and said, "_Occludo._" The wound sealed and healed itself within moments, and Harry fell back into unconsciousness. Hermione levitated him onto the couch and then sat down with a heavy thump on one of the armchairs, waiting patiently for Harry to wake up.

«.:.:.:.»

'Is this what heaven is like?' Harry was confused. He opened his eyes and... he was in the Prefect Lounge. "Odd idea of heaven, eh, Potter," he muttered to himself.

Unfortunately he muttered it a bit too loud. Hermione, who had been dozing off, sat up immediately and shrieked, "Harry Potter, what in bloody hell were you _thinking?_"

Everything that had happened just _whoosh_ed back to Harry and he rubbed his eyes and moaned. "Merlin, Hermione, relax, okay?"

"Relax. _RELAX?_ RELAX WHEN I WALKED INTO HOGWARTS BEING THRILLED ABOUT BEING HOME AND THEN DISCOVERED HARRY POTTER PROPPED UP AGAINST A COUCH IN THE PREFECT'S ROOM-"She paused, trying to find the words, and Harry took the opportunity to cast a silencing charm so that the entire Gryffindor house wouldn't hear her yelling. "...PROPPED UP AGAINST A COUCH IN THE PREFECT'S ROOM BLEEDING TO DEATH BECAUSE HE HAD _SLIT HIS WRIST_?"

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Hermione knew she had said the wrong thing. "I'm sorry, Harry, I didn't-"

Harry's eyes had darkened to a dangerous, almost-black color, and he glared at her. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE, OKAY? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE." He turned to leave, opening the door and stepping out. But just before he left, he turned back to her and, ever the gentleman, thanked her for saving his life.

Hermione was left gaping at the hole and wondering what had just happened.

«.:.:.:.»

Harry sat on his bed ranting to himself. What business was it of hers what he was doing there? For all she knew he could have been bitten by some... thing... and then she had the nerve to yell at him. "Women," he muttered to himself.

He was so busy whining to himself that he didn't hear Hermione come in, and was startled half to death when she sat down on the bed next to him. "Look, Harry, I'm sorry, I didn't think about what I was saying... it was just way out of line and I apologize."

Harry nodded, and looked at her, noticing, for the first time, her clothing, her hair, and her makeup. "Hermione? Umm... not to be blunt or anything, but what the hell happened to you when you were gone?"

Hermione glanced down at herself and realized for the first time what she really looked like. She set her jaw, looked up defiantly, and said, "What's the matter, Harry, can't I dress as I wish to?" She glared at him. "Besides, I would've thought that guys _liked_ this kind of thing."

Harry gaped. "Um... maybe if the guy in question likes it when women exploit themselves..."

All of a sudden Hermione came to her senses. "Oh, my God, Harry, I really do look like a skank, don't I?" She rushed up to the girl's dormitory, changed, washed off her makeup, and pulled her hair into a loose ponytail. She was back in five minutes flat.

Flopping down on Harry's bed again, she sighed. "Ahh, that feels so much better." Then she turned to Harry and said simply, "So, Harry... care to explain what happened?"

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Notes: -hums to a random song- Ah. This chapter was really hard to write, for some odd reason. That is why it is so short. I needed to get it done by today because I've already deprived my (teeny-weeny) fandom enough. Oh, I used a Latin online dictionary thing for all the Latin stuff. It's pretty accurate. Which makes me cool. Um, I think that's it. Except... I kept wanting to spell "flopped" "flooped." Yes, odd, I know. Don't make fun.

OH! THIRTY-NINE REVIEWS!!! I LOOOVE YOU! By the way, I'm going to start sending review replies via email because otherwise I forget.

**RadcliffeRox24:** I can see how that would be confusing. You see, Harry didn't cut himself because of the _dream_ but the realization that the fact Sirius died was his fault and that he thought he was screwing up people's lives by being The Boy Who Lived (or The Boy Who Nearly Snuffed It, whichever you prefer). And don't worry, I hate those kinds of stories too. Hermione's too squeamish & sensible & more cool words that begin with S to do that. She's Harry's sense-knocker-in-to-er. Oo Or something.

**BlindJedi:** If you read the author's notes it all makes sense.

**Everyone else who agreed w/ my Anti-Ron/Anti-Ron-Hermione: **YOU ARE GROOVY.


	11. Why? Part 3

_I Miss You_

**Chapter 11**

Hermione stood, icy wind whipping around her face. It was the beginning of November, and things were starting to get cold. Staring out from the topmost point of the castle, she thought about all the things she had just heard from Harry... things she had no idea he had felt.

            _Memory_

"_So, Harry... care to explain what happened?"_

_Harry chuckled. "Er... not particularly, Hermione, but I don't think I'm going to be able to get out of it."_

_The room was filled with awkward silence. Hermione waited for Harry to begin._

_He swallowed. "All right, then'._

"_First of all, this was in absolutely no way yours or Ron's fault. All over the summer, I would just lie in bed thinking about how just knowing me had screwed everyone's lives up. Sirius died, everyone at the Department of Mysteries that day were put into _serious_ danger, and I didn't know what to do. The Dursleys... well, they didn't give a flying rat's arse about me or anything that happens to me. I had nowhere to go, nothing to do. Sure, I could write letters and all but that's some pretty heavy stuff to write in just a letter. It's better to keep that kind of thing to yourself, you know? I thought I could deal with it, but I couldn't. I started... I started to..."_

_He paused, trying to figure out if there was any sort of way that he could say it without really having to say it. _

"_I started cutting myself," he said, all in a rush. "I had no outlet for my pain except for that. It was this feeling... like there was so much mixed up inside of me, so much that I felt, and this was the only way that I could let it out. Release of emotional pain through physical pain. It was a release. Then Ron wrote me and invited me to stay for the remainder of the summer. I couldn't just do... it... when I was over there with him. So I stopped. I had to. I used glamours every morning before everyone was awake to see this-"he drew back his sleeves to show all of the scars that he had on his arms "-and tried to be as normal, and as happy as I could be. Sure, I had my moody moments, but they just wrote it off as mourning. I was sad because Sirius had died. Okay. Sure, great excuse."_

_Hermione had her hand over her mouth and was resisting the urge to just fling herself on Harry and hug him until his eyeballs popped out. He had been carrying so much on his shoulders... look at his arms! She had been so _stupid_! Not paying any attention to what he had been doing... this was all her fault. She was being a horrible friend. But she didn't know! How was she supposed to know when he had been so good at hiding it?_

"_When I got back to school and saw you and everyone else, I was okay for a while. But then... then you left. Without an explanation. I was screwed over. What was I supposed to do? I held out for a long time, though. That night I talked to you on the phone... it was that same night that I did... it... again for the first time since I had left the Dursleys. I had gone to bed, and I had this horrible dream." He closed his eyes, remembering. "Let's just say, well, everyone died. I killed them. You, Ron, Sirius, everyone. It was me. I pointed my wand at them and said 'Avada Kedavra.' I woke up in a sweat and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I did it. I had sworn that I wouldn't again, but I did. And Ron didn't even notice that I never came outside anymore, and barely moved. He's with Luna now, you know," Harry added offhandedly. "That's why he was gone all the time. Spending time with her, instead. Which is understandable, I guess. She is his girlfriend and all.'_

"_Well, that pretty much sums it all up. Except... earlier today, when you walked in on me. I had pretty much decided that my life was screwed. Nothing was going right, and I was hurting everyone that I loved. So I decided I wanted to kill myself," he said, his voice cracking. "Being the selfish person that I am, I didn't think of how anybody else would feel about that. Of course not. It was me, me, me." Harry leaned over and put his head in his hands._

_Hermione moved next to him and enveloped him in a hug, much like the one they had shared that first night back at Hogwarts, and stayed there until he couldn't cry anymore._

Hermione was crying, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks, and sniffling. She wiped her nose on her sleeve, and leaned over the railing to take a look at the Hogwarts grounds. Someone put a hand on her shoulder, and she jumped, almost falling over. She probably would have, had the hands not caught her and brought her back.

She turned around and saw Harry smiling at her. It wasn't a genuine smile, but it was a try. "Did I scare you?" he asked solemnly.

"Yes... well... perhaps a bit. I didn't know that anybody else knew about this place besides me."

"I knew that," he said, smiling. "I knew you came up here, but I never bothered you. I figured you came up here to de-stress. It really is very peaceful up here," he sighed. "Look, there's something else I forgot to tell you. I... there was a bigger reason for me wanting to... to... kill myself. Dumbledore just came to me earlier today and informed me that Voldemort was out to get me. That he was coming very soon. You remember how the Sorting Hat was missing earlier in the year?" Hermione nodded. "Well, it turns out that it was found in the house of Lucius Malfoy... and it's spitting truths to anyone who wants to know them. Dumbledore thinks that they used the Sorting Hat to get into people's heads... and to give them information about people's heads that it had already _been_ in. Namely me."

"Oh, Harry," she said, and started to sob. "I've missed you... God only knows what might have happened if I hadn't come in time..."

"I know, Hermione. I know."

«.:.:.:.»

**Author's Note:** OMGZZZ!!!!!13048531 I'm writing this at 10:00 at night on Friday because I've been procrastinating. I'm such a horrible person. XD So, Opal, hope this cleared things up for you. I honestly hadn't considered that before. There's me, being daft. Anyways, I'm going to end this thing pretty soon. I'm running out of ideas for it- okay, I lied, there's a sequel after Harry vanquishes Voldy. Whoops, I didn't say that. But anyways, yeah, I'm gonna finish it soon and it's going to pick up after graduation.


	12. Bad Luck, Mate

_I Miss You_

**Chapter 12**

_**Okay, so I decided not to change things. I really, really have some brill ideas for the sequel, though... not letting anything else on except CHILDREN.**_

_**I've said too much.**_

«.:.:.:.»

Ron sat down next to Harry at breakfast looking distinctly grumpy.

"Ey, Ron, haven't seen you in a while, what's up?"

It had been two weeks since Hermione had come back to Hogwarts, and everything had all but returned to normal. Neither Hermione nor Harry had mentioned to anyone- not even Ron- a thing that had happened the night that Hermione had come back. Of course, they both suspected that Dumbledore knew something (he does "make a point to know everything that goes on in this school"), but as he wasn't saying anything they weren't going to bring it up.

Ron glared at Harry and Hermione. "Luna's mad at me."

At further questioning looks, Ron said in a rush, "I-forgot-today-was-her-birthday."

Hermione's jaw dropped. "YOU FORGOT TODAY WAS HER BIRTHDAY?"

Ron glared some more before responding. "I sent her flowers and I think that she'll-"He stopped abruptly because the post had arrived. "Oh, boy, the post!"

"Looks like you've got a parcel, Ron," Harry said, and Hermione grinned knowingly. When she received a questioned look from Harry, she did nothing but grin.

"Great, a parcel. But it's not from Mum... I wonder who it is from. Okay, I'll just open it, then," Ron said, more to himself then anyone else. Hermione looked close to bursting into hysterics, but she refrained.

Ron opened the parcel, dumping the contents out onto the table. Hermione burst into hysterical fits of laughter, Harry grinned, and Ron stared with his mouth open. "It's my _flowers!_" he cried.

Hermione was weak from the laughter by then. "You thought... you... you thought that..." She burst into more laughter, and Harry couldn't help laughing along. "You thought that you could buy her flowers and everything would be better?"

Ron looked furious. "Girls _like_ flowers!"

Hermione had tears in her eyes by then. "Hey, Pavarti, Lavender! Ron sent Luna _flowers_ because she was mad at him and he thought everything would be okay!" she yelled down the table.

Pavarti and Lavender started laughing, and told the entire girl Gryffindors. The table was laughing by now, and Ron was coloring by now. Somebody yelled, "Oi, Ron, take a look in the package, there's going to be a note that tells you exactly where you can shove it!"

There was.

Ron was mad.

By then the hall had started emptying out for classes, and before Hermione left for Arithmacy, she leaned over to him quickly and said, "Ronald, you can't _buy_ affection." She turned and left.

"Bad luck, man," Harry said, clapping him on the shoulder and leaving as well.

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Note: I'm not going to be home all weekend, so I did it know. Er. That's it. A bit of happiness today. Because the last 3 or so chapters have been so blah. Yup. Okay, review, my little fiends!

Oh, and this very scene was inspired by my brilliant (not) math teacher who did the exact same thing with his girlfriend BECAUSE HE FORGOT HER BIRTHDAY. He's been dating her for years. They moved here together.

Yes, I know. -rolls eyes-

P.S. Sorry so short!


	13. Hogsmeade

_I Miss You_

**Chapter 13**

**_Haven't been keeping a timeline; hope this is somewhat accurate. Also, check out chapter 12. I fixed it… it's just a bit of fluffy stuff but it's good._**

Harry and Hermione were playing wizarding chess in the common room when Ron burst in through the portrait hole. "I totally forgot. There's a Hogsmeade weekend today and I told Luna that I would take her and we could eat lunch and WHY AREN'T YOU EVEN REACTING?"

Harry blinked. "I thought you knew. Anyways, I'm not going. How about you, Hermione?"

"Nope. It's too cold outside. Ever since that _ski trip_ I've tried to stay out of the snow as much as humanly possible. I _hate_ skiing… and snow," she said, shuddering.

"All right, then, cool," Ron said in a hurry. "Now help me get ready. Please."

Harry and Hermione abandoned their chess game temporarily and went to help Ron gather his things. He was ready in a record 5 minutes time.

"I'm off," Ron called back, but Hermione and Harry were already immersed in their chess game again. "Well, fine then," Ron muttered to himself, and walked out of the common room.

«.:.:.:.»

Harry and Hermione were battling it out on the chess board. It seemed that, although it may sound strange, chess was not Hermione's game. Harry was winning.

"Oh, I am _so_ beating your butt!" Harry cried triumphantly as his bishop took control of her queen.

"Are not," she muttered at him. "Well, you are, but not THAT badly."

"You think what you want to think," Harry said joyfully. "Meanwhile, I am going to do a victory dance through the center of the common room."

He jumped up and started dancing very strangely- _very_ strangely, considering that he couldn't dance to save his life.

Hermione was laughing hysterically. "Harry, stop, you're embarrassing yourself!" she said through her laughs.

"Nobody's… in… the… room!" Harry said, punctuating each word with a butt-wiggle.

Hermione realized with a start that they were, in fact, alone. 'Crap,' she thought to herself. 'And I was doing so well before he pointed that out.'

Harry was finally settling down. "All right," he said, thumping back down in his chair. "Saaay," he said, looking at the board. "Things have been a bit… rearranged."

Hermione gave him her best innocent look. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Harry," she said, glancing over the board. "Oh, look, I've got the advantage!"

«.:.:.:.»

They played well into the night, and it was 10 o'clock before either of them even glanced up at the clock.

"Wow," Harry said, looking up. "That's weird. It's 10 and nobody's even come in from Hogsmeade. We don't have to be in our common room for another half-hour. Let's go see if they're in the Great Hall or something."

They both got up and walked to the Great Hall, and nobody was there but Professor Dumbledore. "Harry… Hermione," he said, nodding to each of them in turn.

"Hello, Professor, where are all the people that went to Hogsmeade?"

"I'm afraid something has happened," Dumbledore responded. "Apparently, around 6 o'clock today there was a bomb that went off in The Three Broomsticks. There were a few lucky people who survived, including those who weren't in there, obviously, but-"

Hermione cut him off. "Where are the survivors? Who are the survivors? WHAT ABOUT RON?!?"

Dumbledore smiled sadly. "Never fear, Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley survived, along with Ms. Lovegood. They're both in the infirmary right now getting patched up. They each only had a few minor scratches. They were about a block away in a back alley near The Three Broomsticks… Merlin knows what they were doing," he finished, his eyes twinkling.

"Thank you, Professor," Harry said hastily, before he was grabbed on the arm by Hermione, who was getting ready to sprint towards the infirmary.

«.:.:.:.»

"Honestly, Hermione, Madame Pomfrey, I'm FINE," Ron said for the sixth time. "Hermione, stop fussing. Madame Pomfrey, I don't _need_ to stay the night."

"Nonsense!" she cried, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. "You're staying the night, just like everybody else."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Look, could I have a drink of water?"

Pomfrey nodded. She went into the back for a moment and returned with a goblet. "Come on, then, drink your silly water," she said, after handing him the goblet.

Ron nodded, tipped his head back, and chugged the contents of the goblet before making a face. "Ugh. This isn't water. It's bitter!"

Pomfrey nodded. "Yes, I'm aware of that. It's a dreamless sleep potion. And five… four… three… two…" she said, counting seconds off on her watch.

At "one," Ron's head hit the pillow and he fell asleep.

"Come on, Hermione, let's get back to the common room," Harry said, tugging on her arm. Hermione wrenched her arm out of his grasp.

"I'm just staying a minute longer, all right, Harry? I've got a question for Madame Pomfrey."

"Fine," Harry said. "I'll be in the common room."

«.:.:.:.»

Hermione walked into the portrait hole 20 minutes later to find Harry sitting in an armchair, leaning forward to stare into the fire.

"Harry? Are you okay?"

"Neville Longbottom," he responded.

"What?"

"Neville Longbottom, Pavarti and Padma Patil, Seamus Finnigan, Cho Chang," he said, ticking names off on his fingers.

"Oh, Jesus," she said, walking over to him and placing an arm on his shoulder.

"Michael Corner, Euan Abercrombie- he was a _second year_- Professor Trelawny, Hannah Abbot," he said, his voice raised.

"Harry, Harry, it's okay-"

His voice grew louder. "Stewart Ackerly, Madame Rosmerta- she let me use her phone to call you when you had to go home, you know-Eleanor Branstone, COLIN AND DENNIS CREEVY, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" He placed his forehead in his hands and sobbed. "Every… single… one of them dead. EVERY ONE. And whose fault is it? The frickin' Boy-Who-Lived! That bomb was supposed to kill ME, and instead it killed a whole bunch of innocent people and it didn't even HIT ITS GODDAMN TARGET. Well, WHOOPDY-DOO, NOW I'VE GONE AND KILLED LOTS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE! BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE!" he raged. Feeling a need to do something, hurt something, he grabbed a vase off of the mantle of the fireplace and flung it. It shattered. He grabbed a picture and threw it. It shattered. He kept throwing things and throwing things until eventually, he ran out of strength.

"I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of being the Boy-Who-Lived," he said, flopping down on the couch. "I'm tired of people dying because of me. I don't want to do it anymore. I wouldn't do it anymore, were it not my destiny."

"Oh, blast it, Harry, you're sounding like Darth Vadar," Hermione sighed, sitting next to him. "Look. What you do and don't do with your life is totally, entirely, and completely up to you. These people did _not_ die because of you, whatever you think. They died because of V-Voldemort. It's not your fault, nor will it ever _be_ your fault. Now, look. You are obviously incredibly tired. Go up to bed, all right? I've got a little bit of homework to finish, but I'll be going to bed soon too."

Harry gave a half-hearted smile. "All right, then. Good night, Hermione," he said, turning and kissing her on the cheek. He walked up the stairs and flopped into bed without changing, too exhausted to care.

Hermione sat downstairs, waiting until she heard the boy's dorm room door close. Then she bowed her head and allowed the tears to fall for every person that was gone.

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Note: I would have killed Ron off here had he not been vital to upcoming plot. Anyways, just to let you know, this story is likely to end between chapters 15 and 20. But there will be a sequel- and I can pretty much guarantee you that the ending will not be what you expect.

P.S. Changed chapter 12. Gooo read it.

P.P.S. I FEED OFF OF REVIEWS. Hint. Hint.


	14. Memorial

_I Miss You_

**Chapter 14**

Ron was released from the hospital wing the next day, along with Luna and most of the other survivors. A few students- Lavender Brown included- were more seriously hurt and were required to stay in the hospital wing until they were more healed.

The total death toll was 46 Hogwarts students, 1 Hogwarts professor, and 7 civilians, Madame Rosmerta included.

After all of the students were released from the hospital wing, a memorial service was planned. There was to be a memorial built on school grounds, although each student would have their own separate funeral (or, in Pavarti and Padma Patil's case, a joint one).

Dumbledore had made the memorial optional, knowing that some people wouldn't be able to handle the event. Harry felt obliged to attend… but he didn't know if he could. "Dammit," he muttered to himself, sitting in the prefect lounge one afternoon.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Hermione asked, having just walked in. She stood behind his chair and started to give him a neck rub, knowing that he was stressed from everything that had happened.

"Well, it's just…" He pressed his fingers to his temples. "I feel so obligated to attend this memorial service, but I don't know if I could handle it. I mean… well…" He faltered.

"I absolutely understand, Harry. Look, if you don't want to go that is totally okay, and I'm sure everyone will understand… but if you feel up to it tomorrow then just let me know. I'll be there for you, and so will Ron."

Harry sighed. "All right," he said, "I think I'll be able to go. It would haunt me if I didn't. So what time is the service again?"

"It's at 10, and there are no classes that day. Well… obviously… that might make things kinda difficult. Having classes and all."

"Right," Harry said, and chuckled softly at the image of Snape trying to control a sobbing class. "So then… tomorrow."

«.:.:.:.»

"Ohh, this was _so_ a bad idea," Harry whispered to Hermione. It was almost 10, and the service hadn't even started. However, half of the students there were already in tears. Lavender, who was very close to Pavarti and who loved Professor Trelawny, was in hysterics in the back.

Things quieted somewhat when Dumbledore strode out onto the hilltop where the memorial was to be placed and cleared his throat.

"We are gathered here today to honor those whose lives were lost this past weekend in Hogsmeade, when a bomb went off at the Three Broomsticks."

A wave of sobs overcame almost all of the students in the school. Each person there was affected. Everybody knew somebody that had died that past weekend at The Three Broomsticks, and everybody was, in that way, affected.

Dumbledore began to list each student. "We pray for the repose of the soul of Euan Abercrombie, Cho Chang, Pavarti Patil, Padma Patil, Eleanor Branstone…" The list continued on, and with every name that was listed, a pang of guilt and grief shot through Harry. Tears began to flow freely down his cheeks, but he held his head up high and prayed for each and every person on the list. Hermione gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, tears running down her cheeks as well. Harry looked down at her and gave her a weak smile.

The wind whipped through the crowd, and a light dusting of snow began to fall as Dumbledore finished the service. "Each of the students that were killed were an asset to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and each will be sorely missed. We thank each of you for coming out today. You may come up to the memorial now if you wish."

One by one, every single student went up to the memorial. Most placed flowers. Some placed poems written, gifts, or treasured possessions. Eventually, Harry went up by himself. He brought nothing with him but a promise. As he reached the memorial, he kneeled and whispered, quietly so that nobody would hear, "I swear on my life that I will do everything I can to avenge the wizard who did this to you." He bowed his head, said a prayer, and then turned and walked back to his place.

The ceremony over, students turned back to go to the castle. Most of the students were already back inside when a loud _crack_, like the sound of many wizards Apparating at the same time, sounded from right outside the castle gates.

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Note: Ooh, look at me, updating fast! Fastfast! WHEEEE! –hyper-

Need I remind you: I FEED UPON GOOD REVIEWS. LOTS OF THEM. I EAT THEM FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER. MMM, REVIEW. :3

P.S. Am I the only one who has a thing for crying men? They are my total weakness. Like in A Walk To Remember (the movie, not the book, although I read the book too) the part that made me cry the most was when the Shane West character went to thank his dad for paying for home care and then he cried. There was a _flood_ at my house that night.

**LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds7**: Thanks for the compliment… you're right, though, about it being unpredictable. Most of the time _I_ don't know what's going to happen before it happens. So, yeah. Except now I have a boring job (I shelve books at the library) and I can write plot stuff in my head.

**Tamar-shaki**: Hermione didn't cry in front of Harry for two reasons… 1. She had to show strength for him because, well, it kinda _was_ his fault all those people died (Don't tell Harry I said that) and 2. Because she knew that Harry would feel like complete and utter crap if Hermione cried in front of him. So yeah.


	15. So It Begins

_I Miss You_

**Chapter 15**

Dumbledore stood at the window of his office, looking out towards the gates of the entrance to Hogwarts. He sighed tiredly, watching as more and more wizards Apparated at the front gate. "So it has begun," he murmured. "So it has begun."

He murmured "_Contego defendo_," placing a protective forcefield around Hogwarts. It would only last for an hour. An hour… just long enough to prepare the Hogwarts students for the battle that was soon to take place.

«.:.:.:.»

Harry sat in the position that he had been in so many times this past school year… in front of the fire, head in his hands. That was one of the worst experiences in his life.

Hermione walked in and saw Harry. She felt her heart ache with pity and love for him. She just wanted to take him and kiss away all of his fears and worries… and run her hands through his hair, and whisper reassuring things into his ear. But now… now was not the time.

She sat down next to him and ran her hand across his back in small circles. It gave them both a small reassurance that she was there and always would be.

They sat that way for a while, until Professor McGonagall walked in looking pale and worried. "Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, please, the headmaster wishes to see you and Mr. Weasley in his office immediately. The password is 'Drooble's Best Blowing Gum.' Can you find Mr. Weasley, please?"

They both nodded and stood up, wondering why Dumbledore wanted to see them.

«.:.:.:.»

"Miss Granger, Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore said, nodding to them. He seemed to have a strange sort of calm about himself that nobody had sensed before. "I would like for you to glance out this window here for a moment," he said, motioning to the window behind him. The three of them stood up and looked out to see about 20 hooded witches and wizards blasting at the gates of Hogwarts with their wands.

"Professor… are those…" Harry asked, looking panicked.

"I'm afraid so, Mr. Potter," he said. Ron looked entirely nonplussed, so Dumbledore elaborated. "Those are Death Eaters and, quite possibly, Lord Voldemort out there trying to get into Hogwarts. In about 45 minutes, they will be able to. I felt that you three should be alerted and should probably alert the remaining members of the DA, along with all sixth and seventh years in your house, of what is happening. I am sure that they will want to help in any way that they can."

Hermione, ever logical, had the first question. "But, Professor, who will take care of the younger students?"

Dumbledore said simply, "The heads of each house will take their students into the Great Hall, where the students will be left in the care of Argus Filch. All teachers will be needed to fight. Members of the Order as well as Aurors from the Ministry will be Flooing in soon to aide in the battle.'

"Before you students go, I have one request for you, Ron, and you, Hermione. It is a request that I am sure that you will agree to. It involves a difficult spell… and the protection of Harry."

Both Ron and Hermione nodded immediately, readily agreeing to do anything to save Harry.

"The spell offers the love of those closest to Harry as protection towards him. This will lessen the effect of the Cruciatus Curse and the Killing Curse- effectively, it will lessen it so that it takes two Killing Curses to actually kill Harry. I shall perform it first, and each of you, in turn, will follow my example."

Dumbledore walked to Harry and placed his wand to Harry's scar. _"Aegis Demorior."_ Harry's scar burned bright blue and Harry felt a searing pain for a split second, and then the glow faded. Dumbledore motioned to Hermione and Ron and they, in turn, each did the same.

"The three of you are dismissed," Dumbledore stated. "I wish you the best of luck today."

«.:.:.:.»

'Now is _not_ the time to tell him,' Hermione thought to herself. 'Telling him now that you loved him would totally screw him up for the battle. God, I don't know how I'll be able to fight without worrying about him so much that I space out.'

They were in the entrance hall with ten minutes to go. Lupin was there, and was telling everyone assembled– Draco Malfoy included– a few things about fighting that he thought they should know.

"Remember, the goal here is not to kill them but to Stun them- with the exception of you, Harry, of course- and it's all right to do what you must in order to subdue them. But please, don't use the Killing Curse in anything but very, very extreme conditions in which you are in danger of losing your life."

'Don't even think about telling her,' Harry thought to himself. 'She doesn't want to hear it, she doesn't want to know it, and she doesn't have to. Besides, it's probably just a silly infatuation. I mean, she's just your best friend.'

They waited… and waited… and waited, growing more nervous with each passing second. Finally, a loud crashing noise outside signaled that the Death Eaters had broken through the gate.

"Here it goes," Harry said to himself, squeezing Hermione's hand and giving Ron a reassuring smile. Hermione was to fight, but she was also to tend to the wounded after the battle.

Everyone braced themselves, preparing for the impending battle. It was only a matter of time.

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Note: I churned this one out as fast as I could. I believe there are three chapters left in the story… so it will end at 18. BUT. I can promise you that the ending will _not_ be what you expect. Also, the H/Hr affection/longing stuff comes in spurts, because sometimes I forget about it. Whoops.

**If you think I'm being hard on Harry:** But if I weren't, where would we get our fill of crying men? Anyway, just to let you know, this isn't the end. Ohh, no. There would be no second story… whoops. I SAID NOTHING. P.S. Wipe those knowing smiles off your faces. Hermione is _not_ going to become pregnant from Harry's child because of a fling after Voldemort is defeated and not tell him in order to "give him a better life." Sorry.

**Black Vampire Mistress:** FINE. I won't kill off Ron…YET. (I'm kidding, please don't eat me. Ron will not die.)

**RadcliffeRox24:** Yeah, this is the kind of thing I think up. And I _do_ think up endings… I just enjoy making cliffies. (I get more reviews that way. MUAHAHA.) Yes, I live off of reviews. Of course, it could be worse. I mean… wait… I'll think of something worse. Eventually.

**Maiden-of-hope:** Aww, thank you. That's sweet. It warms my heart that my stories make people cry. (That sounded wrong.)

I had a long weekend and that's why these are all coming so quickly. THIS MEANS: You may have to wait for a while (maybe Friday) until the actual battle scene. Or maybe it'll get up tonight. Who knows?


	16. The Battle

**I Miss You**

_Chapter 16_

Recap:

_They waited… and waited… and waited, growing more nervous with each passing second. Finally, a loud crashing noise outside signaled that the Death Eaters had broken through the gate._

"_Here it goes," Harry said to himself, squeezing Hermione's hand and giving Ron a reassuring smile. Hermione was to fight, but she was also to tend to the wounded after the battle._

_Everyone braced themselves, preparing for the impending battle. It was only a matter of time._

«.:.:.:.»

_Crack!_ The first spell hit the entrance doors of Hogwarts. It would take at least ten more to break down the doors, but it was still frightening to think that there was about to be a huge battle.

_Crack!_ The spells were getting louder. Only a few spells to go, and then they would be fighting.

Hermione turned to Harry. "Harry…" she said, and then stopped, debating on whether she should say what she wanted to or not. "…Good luck, Harry."

Harry smiled back at her. "You too." …For one heart-stopping second, Harry was sure that Hermione was going to say "I love you." But he had been wrong. He shook his head to clear it, and-

_CRASH._ The door fell over, clearing the final barrier between the Death Eaters and the Hogwarts students. Both sides stood for a moment, staring at the other, wondering who would take the first movement.

It was the Death Eaters. Bellatrix Lestrange was the first to fire a shot, pointing her wand at Draco Malfoy and Stunning him.

From there, it was total mayhem. Curses and hexes were flying everywhere. Harry was looking around, trying to keep an eye on everyone at once while searching for Voldemort. Where _was_ he?

Amidst the cries of "_Stupefy!"_ and "_Avada Kedavra!_" one boy's opponent was lost. Harry stood, watching, waiting.

All of a sudden, Harry felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. His scar was searing with white-hot pain. He must be here. But where? He spun around frantically, his eyes blurred but still searching for the white, pale face with the red snake-like eyes. He was stumbling, stumbling, falling… Oh, how nice it was to be lying on the ground, not a care in the world… but no! He was here with a purpose. He tried to stand up, but the searing pain in his forehead would not let him.

"HARRY!" Ron cried. "Behind you! _He's right behind you!_"

Harry turned, still on the floor, and saw him. Voldemort. His sworn enemy… He recalled what the prophecy had said.

_And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives._

Harry swallowed and stood up. This was it. This was the end… for neither can live while the other survives. But who will be the one to survive? Who will it be that dies? "Well, then," he thought to himself. "Enough with the foreshadowing, just get on with it." (1)

Time stood still. Harry was dimly aware of the battle going on around him, but all that he saw was himself and Voldemort, locked in a stare.

"Ahh, Mr. Potter," Voldemort said in a low, cool voice entirely unlike the one that Harry had heard him speak with before. "We meet again… and this time it will be the last time."

"Damn straight, it will be," he growled back, stepping forward and getting ready to duel.

"I do believe that you've forgotten one… tiny… detail, Harry," Voldemort said. "Unless you do not recall that ceremony held in your honor two years ago, of course. You know, the one in which I tried to kill you with my wand and then that… stupid thing happened with our wands."

Dammit. Harry _had_ forgotten that that would happen. Well, he would just have to-

"_AVADA KEDAVRA!"_ Voldemort snarled. A jet of green light flew out of his wand and hit Harry in the chest.

Harry flew back, knocking over two Death Eaters and Lupin, and then slammed into the wall. He slid to the floor, unable to move and having great difficulties breathing. '_Just get up,_' he willed himself. _'Get your arse up already._' But he couldn't.

Voldemort had strolled up next to him. "Interesting… very interesting," he said smoothly, calmly, as though he had been expecting that all along. "So, Mr. Potter, you're still alive. Any idea why that is?"

Harry did. Obviously, it was the spell that Hermione and Ron had performed that had saved Harry. But now was not the time for dilly-dallying. Voldemort continued, "I wonder, Harry, if I take another shot at you, would you die?" He raised his wand and was just about to get Harry for the second and final time when Harry raised his wand, quick as lightning.

"_AVADA KEDAVRA!_"

Voldemort fell to the ground, defeated. Harry stood up and everyone cheered. The cheering abruptly stopped, however, when Voldemort stood back up, his eyes narrowed to the thinnest slits.

"Did you think you could kill me, Mr. Potter?" he questioned. "I cannot die… for I am not alive. I am not human nor am I animal. I float between life and death. There is nothing- nothing- you can do that can kill me. I will win this battle."

He raised his wand for the third time, preparing to say the two words that would be the end of Harry Potter.

Ron and Hermione yelled "No!" and then, simultaneously, Harry, Ron, and Hermione all raised their wands and shouted "_AVADA KEDAVRA!_"

An extraordinary blue arc appeared, connecting the three of them. A large rushing beam of blue light flew out of Harry's wand, hitting Voldemort squarely in the chest. He fell to the floor, finally defeated.

A loud cheer sounded from all who were in support of Harry. Death Eaters cried out in pain as the Mark on their arm burned. This moment of distraction gave the others a chance to gain the upper hand. The battle was over.

«.:.:.:.»

(1) And that, my friends, was my attempt at humor. Hardy-har-har.

Author's Note: Not very happy with this chapter. It didn't seem very "sit-on-the-edge-of-your-chair intense." Oh well. At least this part's over.

Two chapters left! Now REVIEW.

**LucyintheSkyWithDiamonds7:** Sorry if that was confusing. Yes, there will be a sequel. I've got the first two chapters written. They're groovy. Haha, you cried at the new Peter Pan? That movie was kinda weird. I think I like my job better then your job, by the way. At least I'm not in my mother's office. (:

**Master-Editor**: I'm not very happy with this section but I hope it's to your liking anyways. Yes, crying hotties rule. Beyond rule, even.


	17. Farewells

**I Miss You**

_Chapter 17_

The rest of the school year had gone by as though somebody had hit the fast-forward button. After the battle, Hermione had been of immense help to Madame Pomfrey after the battle, helping clean up everyone who had been hurt and healing those who needed it.

The wizarding world had been immensely thrilled about the death of Voldemort, to say the least. Harry, Hermione, and Ron had all been bombarded with letters up the wazoo, pleading for autographs or, in the case of the newspapers and magazines, interviews. Obviously, there was only so much of this they could handle, and eventually, somebody was hired to take all their mail and bag it for them to read if they wished.

Presently, Harry was up in Professor Dumbledore's office, having just been summoned. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Dumbledore spoke first. "I assume that you wish to know more about what happened with that spell."

Harry nodded. "As you may or may not know, that spell is a very strong spell based around the concept of love as a defense. The spell's wording- _Aegis Demorior_- literally means 'Love and Protect.' I have never before seen what happened that night, and probably never know, but it is my guess that there is some very, _very_ strong love radiating from one, or both-" he winked "-of your companions. It was love that killed him, pure and simple. Nothing but the strongest love could do it."

"Professor," Harry stuttered. "Are you saying what I _think_ you're saying?"

Professor Dumbledore grinned. "That depends on what you think I'm saying. If you think that I'm saying that Hermione truly loves you as more then just a friend and has for some time, and that you should go and get her, then yes." His eyes were twinkling. Who knew he could be such a great matchmaker?

«.:.:.:.»

Harry and Hermione were slumped into chairs in front of the fire, enjoying the silence that was so rare to them. Of course, both of their thoughts were racing at such lightning speed that the silence was only physical.

_All right, Potter,_ Harry thought to himself. _Dumbledore said it, so it must be true. Hermione loves you. How else could Voldemort have been killed by that spell? It was **love** that did it, Potter, **love.** Now just tell her that you feel the same way. Go on, do it! You know you want to. Of **course** I want to!_

Harry took a deep breath. "Hermione, I…"

Hermione turned. "Yes, Harry?"

"I have something that I want to say to you, something that I've wanted to say for a very long time-"

At that point, a Priority Owl flew into the room and started pecking Hermione frantically on the shoulder.

"I think it wants you to take it, Hermione," Harry said, smiling.

"Ow, ow, ow, you stupid bird, just give me your paper and get on with it already," she muttered at it. She grabbed the letter and bashed the owl lightly on the head with it before taking a good look at the return address on the envelope.

"Oh, my God," she said softly. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and ran her finger under the closure of the envelope, tearing it open. She opened one eye, glanced at it, sighed, did a double take, and then shrieked. Loudly.

"OH, HARRY, I'M SO HAPPY, I GOT IN I GOT IN I GOT IN I GOT IN I GOT IN!!!"

"Er. Hermione? Care to enlighten a poor confused soul over here?" Harry said questioningly, wondering what in heck she was talking about.

"Oh…" Hermione was brought back to earth, if only for a moment. "I applied for a full scholarship to Smithson's MediWitches Preparatory Academy in the States… and I was accepted!" she said, trying to sound excited but failing. She had just realized… she would be gone for her seventh year at Hogwarts if she accepted.

Harry smiled broadly, if somewhat fakely. "That's great, Hermione! I'm really proud of you. You're a really good MediWitch… well, in training at least; I saw you working with Madame Pomfrey after the battle, and you were really brilliant! So… how long is the scholarship for?"

Hermione swallowed. "My entire seventh year, and then I'll graduate," she said, softly. She was having second thoughts now. Sure, it would be an excellent opportunity, but she would miss out on her seventh year at Hogwarts… with Harry, none the less! Well… Harry and Ron, but that's not important.

Harry's face visibly fell. _So much for telling her. I can't tell her now; it would look like an effort to hold her back. She obviously wants to go, so let her! You want what makes her happy._ And he did.

"Sounds brilliant, Hermione. Might have to throw you a party down in the common room!" Harry exclaimed, trying to make light of the situation.

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know if I'm going to go."

"Oh, come on, Hermione!" Harry said. "You have to go. This is a brilliant opportunity for you. You can't give it up just like that!"

"Well…" Hermione looked unsure. "I'm going to think it over. You're right, it would be brilliant, but if I went, I'd miss out on this next year!"

Harry didn't want her to go. He really didn't want her to go. He wanted her to go about as much as he wanted to face another dragon and try and grab one of her blasted golden eggs again. But he was going to go and be supportive, no matter what she decided to do. And that was final.

«.:.:.:.»

Classes had ended, the traditional end-of-year feast had come and gone, and the Golden Trio was standing on Platform 9 ¾, getting ready for another glorious summer. Harry had rented his own flat off of Diagon Alley, Ron was headed back home to The Burrow, and Hermione was getting ready to go back home as well, still not sure where she was going to be for school next year.

They were all standing there, waiting for Hermione's parents to arrive. Things were a bit awkward. Ron spotted his mother, and said, "Oi, I see my mum, and she's waving her arms at me rather stupidly… I'll see you later, right?" he asked them both. "Harry, you'd better stop by the Burrow sometime this summer, even though you've got your own flat… Or maybe I'll come visit you! Anyways, I'll see you guys later this summer." He went over and hugged Hermione and then, to Harry's surprise, embraced Harry in a manly sort of way. "See you guys later!" he said, and then dragged his trunk over to his mother, who shrieked in happiness.

"So… er…" Harry shifted from one foot to the other. "You'd better come over to the flat as much as you can, and let me know when you've decided what you're going to do next year, all right?"

Hermione nodded. "Are you going?"

"No, but you are. I've just spotted your parents." Harry grinned.

"Oh, right!" Hermione said, flustered. "Well, I'd best be going, then," she said, and flung her arms around Harry's neck, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"See you later," he said, watching her walk to her parents.

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Note: Tomorrow I'm going to upload THE FINAL CHAPTER! I'm so excited for me. Review!!!

**Chibi-Suiko:** I now completely understand why they don't write it out… it is _hard._ If I had known, I wouldn't have done it. As it is, I'm not too happy with the results… Oh, well. Ah! Maybe I should've had Hermione sacrifice herself; more crying sexy men! And thanks, I'm glad you like it.


	18. The End Has No End

_I Miss You_

**Chapter 18**

_For all I've been blessed with in my life  
__There was an emptiness in me  
__I was imprisoned by the power of gold  
__With one kind touch you sent me free  
__Let the world stop turning  
__Let the sun stop burning  
__Let them tell me love is not worth going through  
__If it all falls apart  
__I will know deep in my heart  
__The only dream that mattered had come true  
__In this life I was loved by you_

_For every mountain I have climbed  
__Every raging river crossed  
__You were the treasure that I longed to find  
__Without your love I would be lost  
__Let the world stop turning  
__Let the sun stop burning  
__Let them tell me love is not worth going through  
__If it falls apart  
__I will know deep in my heart  
__The only dream that mattered had come true  
__In this life I was loved by you_

_I know that I will live forever  
__But forever I'll love you  
__Let the world stop turning  
__Let the sun stop burning  
__Tell me love'__s not going through  
__If it all falls apart I will know deep in my heart  
__The only dream that mattered had come true  
__In this life I was loved by you_

_-In This Life: Israel Kamakawiwo'ole_

«.:.:.:.»

"Do you really want to do this?" Harry asked her softly.

"Yes, Harry, I'm sure. This is such a wonderful opportunity for me… Besides," she added, not sounding very convincing, "it's not like we'll never see each other again."

But both of them had a gut feeling that perhaps this was the end.

They were standing in Heathrow Airport, and Hermione was waiting to board her plane to America. She had accepted her scholarship to Smithson's MediWitches Preparatory Academy, and would be gone for a year. Ron couldn't make it, and he had stopped by Harry's flat- where Hermione was almost constantly- to say goodbye about a week ago.

"Right," Harry said nervously. "Sounds like they're calling for you to board. Look," he said to her, cupping one hand under her chin and looking into her eyes, "just promise me that you'll write as much as you can, okay?" '_Now, you bastard, tell her now that you're madly infatuated with her!'_ his subconscious screamed at him.

Hermione cast her eyes to the ground for a moment, and then nodded very slightly. "I should probably go now. They're calling for me to board…" She gave him a smile and a hug, and turned to walk down the gangway. She was almost to the line when she stopped, turned around, and walked back to Harry.

She stood on her tiptoes, placed her hands on his cheeks, and kissed him quickly on the lips. Then she whispered to him, "_I love you._" She turned and headed back towards the terminal.

Harry stood, shocked, touching his fingers to his lips. Hermione was in line and he was still frozen. When she had handed in her ticket and was walking through the tunnel to board, he unfroze. Now was his chance. "Hermione. HERMIONE," he yelled at her, but she didn't turn.

Harry stayed at the airport long after her plane had left, leaning his forehead against the glass. How was he going to go on after this? Something had just clicked. Something… something that told him, "_You're in love, you nimwit, now why don't you go and do something about it?_"

He sighed, stood up, and headed back to his flat.

«.:.:.:.»

Hermione sat in her coach class seat, forehead against the plastic of the window and tears running down her cheeks.

"Something wrong, dear?" asked the kind-looking elderly woman sitting next to her. "You look rather sad… and, well, you're crying."

Hermione sniffled and shook her head. "No, I'm only leaving for an exchange trip for a year, but it's still so hard to leave all my friends behind."

"There, there, honey," the woman said, patting her on the shoulder. "I'm sure they'll see you again when you've all finished with your schooling. I'm Linda, by the way," she said, holding out her hand.

"I'm… Rebekah," Hermione said, shaking Linda's hand. "Lovely to meet you."

«.:.:.:.»

Author's Note: Okay, this is the end of this story! But don't worry, there will be a sequel. Look for it this coming Monday- I already have the first couple of chapters written. It's going to be called "In This Life." So watch for it. Aaaand. It picks up after he graduates from Hogwarts and such. LET ME KNOW HOW YOU LIKED THE STORY!

--Sara

**Chibi-Suiko:** Things really never _do_ go right for Harry, do they? :)

**LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds7:** Haha, Peeeeter Paaaaan looooooooover, Peeeeter Paaaaan looooooooover.


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